Lately when I'm driving I have thoughts that float into my head, but disappear as soon as the light turns green. So instead of causing a wreck, I think I'll keep track of them here.
why does heartache exist? I guess a better question is: why did evil have to enter the world? why did God see fit to create a perfect world, only to have it messed up? why such brokenness? was He bored? was He simply entertaining angels? just why? ..not that I would like the answer to that question if I ever got one. I learned that the hard way on December 4th, 2009. when is God coming back? maybe He really did just create the world and then let it loose. I hate to think He forgot about us, but sometimes I wonder. what does He think when I'm driving alone and start to cry? is He moved the way I would be if I saw a young woman crying at the wheel? perhaps it's selfish and naive for me to think God would consider my pain something important. but isn't it only human to want to be heard, and held? to be held. that's an interesting concept. I want it so badly, in fact I long for it, but I'm so closed. I would love to blame my lack of communication skills on the people who took advantage of me, who hurt me, but I know in my heart of hearts that it isn't their choice to be so guarded, it's mine. at any rate, screw the perverts who cause[d] children pain, and fear, and emptiness. it makes me angry to think about how much hurt is in the world. I want to change it. I have no idea where I'm going, what I should be, who I should become. I'm discovering that life is very unfulfilling when you have no purpose.
