Self Portrait.

I am; a daughter. a sister. a companion. brokenhearted. hopeful. lonely. surrounded. aware. oblivious. afraid. waiting. eager. a little emo. a selective fanatic. passive. opinionated. uneasily amused. only human. longing for more. annoyed with politics. enthused by art. bored of school. a pessimist. interested with the mundane. not a fan of numbers. intrigued by philosophy. wondering. an explorer of the familiar. a follower in large groups. a leader in small groups. more apt to like small children. comfortable around adults. uncomfortable around girls my age. not very humorous. a picky music person. secretive. ashamed. being made new. imperfect. trying. a follower of Christ.

-A Perspective

This is not Heaven.

I hate summer; it lacks structure. I hate dusk; it's neither day, nor night. I hate the song Fin; it hits too close to home.

-A Perspective

Eyes Wide Shut.

Perpetually tired and constantly fighting exhaustion. What is it about the warm sunshine that makes me want to sleep? What is it about the darkness that keeps me wide awake? I think I'm afraid to miss out on something, I'm scared to lose more time.

We'll sleep, we'll sleep, we'll sleep when we die,
so just lie awake with me here all night.
We'll sleep, we'll sleep, we'll sleep when we die,
so just lie awake with me here tonight.
-Sleep. When We Die:: Anchor&Braille

-A Perspective

She's Pitiful.

I never did make a very big deal about my birthday. I never really liked the attention. I always felt bad about getting gifts.

This year is no different. Except that I wish everyone could completely forget, or at least ignore that it's my birthday. Without Mommy, I don't really have any desire to celebrate another year of life. This past year has been the hardest of my life. I don't even want to celebrate it being over, I just want to crawl away and forget it ever happened. I don't want to forget what I learned, just how I learned it.

What I wouldn't do to have this past year play on repeat...even though it was living hell, I'd take it in less than a heartbeat.

{Behind that weathered door, I thought it would be safest.
My head is dizzy now, I thought we’d overcome.
We might not make it home tonight.
Crawling on the ash, she's pitiful.
::Barcelona; Get Up}

-A Perspective