Legitimate Logistics.

"What's your plan after graduating from Union County?"

Today I verbalized my plan to someone other than a family member...it made me feel pretty freaking legit.  I think it surprised the counselor.  She just looked at me and said,

"Wow. That's the best plan of action I've heard from a student in a long time. Best of luck."

Shock, of course.

He was dressed in black slacks, a black button down shirt, and a black vest.  His black dress shoes were slightly scuffed on the ride side of the left foot, but mostly polished.  He spun his gold wedding band nervously as he sat alone at the cafe table.  I had just glanced behind me to look at the teas, but caught his familiar face instead.  His eyes were tired, drooping with the weight of many sleepless nights.  His mouth was curved downwards, indicating incessant sadness.  He looked friendly, but ominous;  like he was about to share some horrible news that was absolutely necessary for me to hear. Mesmerized, I stared at him.  His black ensemble, and feeble hands were so intriguing all of the sudden.  I felt like I knew so much about him, not because I was examining, but because I could here his voice in my head even though he sat in utter silence.  It was the way he sat, tall and unmoved, but very uncomfortable.  He looked out of place, like he needed to leave, lest anyone see him.  His eyes, though tired, were alert and shifting.  Finally they pierced me and my mouth hung gaping open.  He had discovered me watching him.  I was worried he would stare back, but instead he gave me a sympathetic half smile and suddenly became very concerned with his wedding band.  I turned away, still in awe.  How did I know this man?  I kept glancing behind me to watch him.  With every turn of my head and every eyeful of him I pieced together more and more of the conversation we had.

His order was up, and he somberly walked to the cashier to pay.  It killed me inside, I did not want him to leave, I wanted to follow him, to watch him just a little more.  I needed to know why I had spoken with him, why I felt I knew so much about him.

He reached for the door when the cashier asked him if he'd like a bag for his items.
"Of course" was his gentle and caring response.  It sounded rehearsed, as if he knew she would ask, as if he had been waiting to give that exact reply.

Suddenly it washed over me like a cold and unwelcome tidal wave of shock.

"Have you decided on a color?"
"I think we need a few more minutes," my voice faded as tears welled up in my tired eyes.
"Of course," the man spoke softly, "of course."
Moments passed, but it felt like a lifetime.  Walking around in the same small area made me claustriphobic, choosing pastel colors and wood finishes made me sick.
"We'd like the oak, with the pink interior. Mommy loved pink, she loved..."
"Of course."

Legit Studying.

I sat down and studied for the first time all semester tonight.

This was not my normal bo-bo two-minute-glance-at-a-page-recite-one-vocab-word-and-call-it-a-day studying.  I mean I made a cup of coffe, cracked open my textbook, my notebook, and website companion and studied for two and a half hours. Still not a super long time, but compared to my normal, I'm pretty stoked.  It felt good to work, to read, to memorize.  Let's hope it pays off tomorrow.

If I don't do well, it's back to my bo-bo study habits...only kidding.

such is life.

life on earth is full of death. ironic? so often there are moments of such sorrow, harrowing and inexplicable grief.

but there is hope in the love of a husband and wife.
such great joy in the heartbeat of  growing infant.

it is in life that God extends grace.
it is in death that God fulfills hope.

Collision.

The dawn is breaking,
a light shining through.
You're barely waking,
and I'm tangled up in you, yeah

Even the best fall down sometimes.
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind,
I somehow find you and I collide.

You and I collide.


It has been a secret dream to have this song sung to me.
regardless,
this song will always bring me to a place of contentment. for four minutes and seven seconds, anyways.